Last week was spent doing my civic duty – I was chosen as a juror on a homicide trial. It was intense, exhausting, and incredibly sad to participate in. That’s all I’ll say about it. It was an exhausting week in which there was no art and there were lots of hours of solemn reflection. Let me just say two things:

First, I know that many people do everything they can to get out of jury duty. It is always inconvenient to our daily lives. However, it’s one of the most important things you can do – to make sure that fairness is clearly provided to a defendant and to the prosecution. Second, the one thing that was brought home even more than it already was: NEVER drive under the influence of alcohol or another substance. Enough said.

On to other things.

I did participate in CreativeTherapy for the first time in a while. I used an old photo and altered it. Here is the catalyst and what I said:

Catalyst: Did your life turn out how you imagined?

My response:

Shipwreck Beach, Kauai, Hawaii

I don’t even remember what I thought my life would turn out like. I think I focused so much on getting out of where I was that I never really thought about it. I never had a good role model to show me what the possibilities are.

I suppose I thought I’d be a scientist, a business person, a professional. I never pictured myself anything but struggling and working hard. I didn’t ever think that I would be a person who could relax and enjoy life and enjoy just being with someone. As a kid, I don’t think I ever really believed I’d be in love and that there was a true soulmate out there for me. But that was so long ago and such a hard time. I have come so far from that scared child running away into something else – safety, I suppose -  but not knowing what it was or how it would look.

For the past 20 years – nearly half of my life – I’ve been with Dave and we’ve been together and happy and in love. And everything else has become secondary. I worked for a while and I pushed myself hard. But when I developed chronic illness problems, I had to slow down. And, when I really slowed down and agreed to just find out who I am and where I am, I think I finally started to dream about what my life could be.

Now, I take time to relax. To explore. To just be. I take photos; I draw; I paint. I take care of myself and my husband. I don’t run any longer. I have made peace with who I am today and I don’t wonder who I would be. I am who I am and I am constantly growing.

Yesterday I had my treatment. We had to move my treatment up because my vertigo has been hitting with a vengeance. I’m doing better – though I do have the lovely side-effects of the medication: nausea, fatigue… Lovely, eh?

And so today, while dealing with these lovely side-effects, I have the added stress of the election.  I have been impatiently watching the news, changing the channel when it gets too upsetting. And, no the returns have not come out yet. The upsetting part is that in this great nation, the nation that is the beacon for democracy, we have people who are kept from their given right to vote. I suspect I’ll stay up as long as I can to find out about the outcome. Though, honestly, with all the problems out there, it could be a few days. I’m trying to keep myself grounded.

And, as usual, to keep myself grounded, I am sitting in the studio. I have spent some time today going through magazines that have piled up – recycled some to a friend; others I’ll see if another friend wants. If not, to Freecyle they go… I’ve also done some journaling. There is very little to show but this past week’s CreativeTherapy result:

Catalyst 34 - A Song That Brings Back Memories

As long as I can remember, listening to music has been a part of my life. It was hard to pick just one to focus on, but as I went through iTunes to find a song that made me smile with a memory, I came across Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”. It’s an odd song for a memory, but really, it brings back memories for me.

When I was growing up, I had a close friend, Jeanmarie, who lived around the corner from me. Late in junior high school, we started an annual tradition. The night before the first day of school each year, we would walk for about a mile to a playground, talking about the year ahead, our nerves and anxiety about the first day of school, teachers, etc. Jean Marie was the first one who taught me how to wear make-up. Jean Marie and I were huge Pat Benatar fans and we went to her concert together in the early 80s. We had such a great friendship and a lovely tradition. This song brings back the memory of that annual walk and daily connections at the bus stop.

Art Every Day Month

I’ve joined two challenges this week, as well:

Art Every Day Month – sponsored by the fabulous Leah. The idea is for us to add creativity and art to our lives every day. Admittedly, with the vertigo and treatment I’ve been a bit lax in my art. However, I have spent some time reading, doodling in my journal, and catching up on blogs. All, I think, are creative endeavors.

and

Embrace the Face

Embrace the Face, which I found through a few blogs I follow. If nothing else, it will force me to get out my paints and paint at least one face each month. That will be good practice. This month’s topic is “lace” and I’ve drawn the basic image. I’m going to set up my palate in a moment… Painting grounds me in a way that nothing else does, so I’m off to be “in the moment” with my brushes and my paints.

Have a great Election Day!

Last week I had my treatment. It was a difficult one. I’m just starting to feel better, but I’m still quite fatigued and having some of the negative effects of it.

Catalyst 30 - The decision to go to Brandeis University has shaped my life.

CreativeTherapy Catalyst 30: What’s a decision you made that ended up determining the direction of your life? (Or at least had a strong effect on how your life turned out.)

This one was easy for me to choose. The decision I made that shaped the rest of my life happened 23 years ago. I decided to leave Florida and attend Brandeis University, in Waltham, MA. I had only seen pictures of Brandeis. I had never been on campus, and I had an alumni interview in Miami. The day I arrived at Brandeis was the first time I had actually seen it. It was magical. From the beginning, the first thing I saw was the Usen Castle. It is a remnant of Middlesex college, which the property originally came from. Another important symbol for me at Brandeis was the Chapel Pond. It is a reflection pond, surrounded by three chapels. They were constructed so that at no time does one chapel overshadow another. The chapels are a symbol of the unity of all religions and tolerance. For me, they were a place of peace. I would often sit on the wall around the reflection pool and write or think.

Attending Brandeis really did shape the rest of my life. I met some of my best friends there. I felt safe, I grew as a person, and I found my voice through writing. It was because of my decision to go to Brandeis and to be involved in campus activities that I landed my first job out of college, I had the skills to get a second job, and I met my husband. The greatest joys of my life are the result of this decision.

Technique Highlight: Pen and ink with watercolor washes on 90# watercolor paper.

Catalyst 31 - Book that impacted my life

Catalyst 31: What novel or book impacted your life and why?

I don’t remember how old I was when I first read Death Be Not Proud. The book is filled with wisdom about living your life with courage and with purpose, taking every advantage you can in the limited time we all have. It’s part of how I personally have lived my life with chronic illness.

Technique Highlight: Background: 140# CP Watercolor paper sprayed with Color Mists. Scrapbook paper cut up and doodled on; text written by hand of a quote from John Gunther’s book, Death Be Not Proud.

There’s more to share, but I’ll save it for tomorrow. Have a great week!

Catalyst 29 - Someone I Admire

The first person I thought of when I thought of inspirational people was Maya Angleou. I had the honor of hearing her speak when I was in college, but prior to that, her autobiographical book, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, was an inspirational story that really made a difference in my life. It seems that whenever I needed a pick-me-up, Maya’s words would always do that. This quote about courage is central to who we all are, and it speaks to me on a very personal level.

Journaling Reads:

One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.” by Maya Angelou

Technique Highlight:

Textured background created with different papers on canvas board. Acrylic paint and glaze used over it to create the texture. Image then photographed and pulled into PhotoShop Elements, where the text was layered onto the background.

Bad behavior I've overcome

Negative behavior/habit I’ve overcome:

I’ve always been a saver. Not just saving money and things, but saving people. To some extent, it’s been touted as a good attribute; however, it had become a negative in my life. Trying to rescue people – from themselves, from their circumstances, from their addictions, from others – is not a positive thing. It can be done to the detriment of the person trying to do it. In addition, it is often done so selflessly that the person doing the saving is harmed.

I’ve learned the hard way I can’t save others. I’ve learned that it is each person’s responsibility to save herself if she wishes to do so. All I can do is support them in the change. I can’t change their circumstances for them; I can’t be their hero. I can’t rescue them. Only they can rescue themselves.

Technique: Pen and Ink with watercolor.

Here’s mine:

Catalyst 27 - A painful memory

I think we all have a catalog of painful memories. They can either define us or we can define them. For me, they helped to create the person I am today, but I don’t like to dwell on them. Instead, I prefer to look to the future and to let the past be the past. My mantra is, “That was then, this is now”. That’s why I created this journal page. Reminding myself of past hurts is not useful, not healthy, and not something I want to do. Celebrating today, living my life in a positive way, and being happy are the things that are important and useful. It requires courage to move forward and to imagine the beautiful life I have created for myself and my husband. I choose to be brave and focus on the future, rather than focus on a painful memory.

Journaling Reads:

Don’t dwell on the past or let the bad memories take hold of you and seep into your current life. Remember: That was then and this is now. It is a future and a present that you have created by looking forward and finding love and support while letting go of the past.

You hold the power in your hands. Grasp it!

“I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it.” – Maya Angelou

Technique Highlight:

Collage on hot press watercolor paper. Color, writing and doodling added with Pigma Micron, Permapaque, Gelly Roll Glaze and Souffle pens.

CreativeTherapy Catalyst 26 - Dance

This week’s CreativeTherapy catalyst is “What is one talent/ability you wish you had?” Though I believe that most talents/abilities can be gained through nurturing them and practicing them, there are some, like singing and dancing, that probably require some sort of real gift. So, here is my response to the catalyst:

If there was one talent or ability I wish I could have it would be the ability to dance. I always wanted to be able to do ballet or jazz dancing. The music moves me and I want to move with it. I always wanted to take classes and to learn to leap, like the pictured mannequin does. But that was not to be. I had a vision of myself as graceful and balanced. It’s a nice dream!

Technique highlight: Pen and ink with colored pencils.

What is a talent/ability you wish you had?

Catalyst 25 - Something I fear

CreativeThreapy’s 25th Catalyst was published yesterday. It’s “What is something you fear?”

This one was fairly easy for me. It’s something I live with regularly. One of my greatest fears is that there will be a time when I don’t bounce back from an exacerbation of my chronic illness.

There was a time quite a few years ago when I was not able to really do much of anything due to my illness. Now, however, I have learned to live within my energy levels. I am able to better predict and adapt to the ebbs and flows with my disease. This helps me to feel more at ease with it, but the fear that it will incapacitate me again is always there.

Technique: Pen and ink drawing with watercolor.

New Day

It was difficult to pick just one thing that inspires me. So many things inspire me – feeling healthy, the smile on my husband’s face, new art supplies, looking out my studio window… It’s a different thing each day. So I realized that the best way to say this is to paint a sunrise. Each morning’s possibilities inspire me. Each day I have an opportunity to look at the world in a new way and to figure out how to represent it in my art.

Technique:
Painting in watercolor on cold press watercolor paper.

Catalyst 23 - What I collect/hoard

Catalyst 23
Journaling:
For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by the history of things, especially vintage train cases and old photographs. I can’t resist them! I have 6 or 8 train cases, one is my MIL’s, two others are from my grandmothers, and others I have collected at thrift stores and antique shops along the way. I have a lot of photographs from my family, but I also can’t resist a really cool photo in a thrift store. So, I have a whole train case filled with photographs of those people whose relatives let them “go”.

My other train cases hold other vintage ephemera – book pages in different languages, old newspaper, vintage sewing patterns, and collage sheets from these vintage pieces.

Technique highlight:
Drawing on cold press paper in Pigma Micron, watercolor using Sakura Koi watercolors.